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I wasn’t looking.  Or craving. Or even resisting.  I was just in neutral. 

Then along came Jaxx.

No one knows if he strayed or was  abandoned. Someone simply found him and dropped him off at the VCA Academy Hospital here in town. Lucky kitty, he.

Jaxx weighed just 15 ounces and had a serious viral infection that compromised his lungs and eyes.  He was one sick little kitty. But, thanks to the generous and caring vets who gave him the most robust, top-quality care, he got better until it looked like he was ready for a real home.

His picture was posted some months ago but it was just last week that one of my friends spotted it, tore it off the wall and handed it to me. I went to visit Pirate as he was then called  – you know, that one eye problem – who was hidden away in the isolation ward. He wasn’t eager to come out of his cage and interview.  There were continuing problems with his health.  I had questions. And – well – my heart hadn’t begun to melt quite yet.

Then Dr. WIlber called back.  I went for another visit.  And that was that.  Oh, except for one other quirky little thing.The intake vet who had recently joined this practice was the very same doctor who had seen me and SugarFoote through his final days.  Luck?  Fate?  Coincidence? Who knows.  I guess I was just ready to take a chance on love…again.

              This is the second post my girlfriend, Maureen, has inspired on the topic of self-acceptance.  We’ve been talking a lot about it and how it trumps self-esteem and self-confidence as perhaps the most important goal in life.

Why? Because self-acceptance is an unconditional gift that only we can give ourselves.

Noted psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis, has written extensively on the merit of seeking self-acceptance rather than self-esteem which he sees as not only conditional but disempowering.  It all makes sense if we see that most often our self-esteem is based on what others think of us and what we do rather than how we feel and think about ourselves.

Harry Emerson Fosdick makes it even more appealing to seek self-acceptance. He said, “One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world, making the most of one’s best.”There’s something so exciting in thinking about myself as ‘a bundle of possibilities’ instead of constantly finding fault as if there was some redemption or reward in that.

In fact, self-acceptance might just be the ultimate life goal. 

No matter how we might fight it, English poet John Donne had it right when he wrote in his Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, “No man is an island entire of itself.”

Troubled times are probably the ones that prove this most. Because it’s clear to even fiercely independent people like me that trying to go it alone during tough times is just not smart. In fact, going it alone during good times is probably just as unhelpful.

And, maybe that’s our big wake-up call.

The truth is that the more enriched our society has become the more we’ve lived as if we don’t need one another.  And, the less – on real and human levels – we share, care and reach out for the community of family, friends, neighbors and colleagues.   In many cases, our money has protected us from the true intimacies of life.

One of  my real friends recently sent me a telling sketch of  ‘simple vs. real friends.’  Among others, I was struck by this passage: “A simple friend has never seen you cry.  A real friend’s shoulder is soggy from your tears.”

While I might cringe at the thought of breaking down in front of another with sadness, jitters, grief or confusion, I know that when I’ve let it happen I feel a sense of closeness and healing that is incomparable.

This is not about asking others to ‘fix’ your life.  Or listen endlessly to wallowing. Or leaning helplessly on someone.  It’s about connecting with the whole and real world of people who have natural, deep, sometimes -brave-sometimes-scared feelings.  It seems we are in a perfect time to reap the warm and loving rewards of NOT going it alone.