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07/22/2011

Gentle as a Lamb.

Filed under: Garrison Keiller,Gentleness,Senses — Tags: , , , — Joyce K Reynolds @ 11:22 am

Eons ago, Chinese philosopher Lao-Tze noted gentleness as the first quality required of a leader.

Not so today. 

In a world now dominated by threats, conflicts, greed and forceful, boasting people, this nurturing quality is not seen as an asset. Especially by those who seek to overpower and manipulate us.

Unused is the alluring, beautiful, seductive power of a gentle word or touch.

Overlooked is the enormous and moving strength each can transmit.

Many confuse gentleness with weakness not realizing it requires strong character and great spirit to be gentle.  

Yet we can easily see that our world is none the better for loss of this virture.

While we don’t bow to brute force or give way to edicts, our world is a much less civil place. Largely without nuance or grace.

For those who long for a less harsh existence, Garrison Keillor suggests that we find and exercise gentleness in our everyday life … “through cooking and small talk, through storytelling, making love, fishing, tending animals and sweet corn and flowers, through sports, music, and books, raising kids—all the places where the gravy soaks in and grace shines through.  Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.”

We must be deliberate in building our own campfires. Giving ourselves in good measure the gift of kindness.  Tenderness. Then we can invite in others and together indulge in the magical, seductive, compelling, healing nature of gentleness.

Just like little lambs.

07/20/2011

Anger. Get to the Bottom of It.

Filed under: Rage — Tags: , , — Joyce K Reynolds @ 3:11 pm

Anger is a natural defense against emotional, psychological, physical fear or pain.

But, unaddressed, unexpressed or unmanaged, it can be a terrible thing.

Anger can debilitate us.

Control us.

Warp us.

On occasion make us unrecognizable to ourselves.

In its worst form,  it can kill us.

If it doesn’t, anger can surely keep us from experiencing genuine happiness or fulfillment as so eloquently put by Kahlil Gibran – “If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?”

So, what to do?

First, don’t bother denying it. Everybody’s got it.

Understand that anger has many sources. Focus on identifying them in order to address, dismantle and become free of them.

Accept that anger inhabits us.  It collects in our organs, tissues and muscles. Causes pain and disease.  Has a debilitating physical effect on us and, in fact, can kill us.  Decide to address it.

Get to know your trigger points. Noticing a rapid heart rate, harder, faster breathing, tension in the neck, pains in the chest, headaches or stomach pains can help you calm and protect yourself.

Don’t blame others for your anger. Stop being a victim and deal with it.  Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Start using your anger as a valuable source of self-discovery. See it as helping you recognize that something inside needs attention. Pointing to some hurt from the past that has simply been activated by a person or situation in the present.

Anger can shed light on needs, desires, rights or core values that are going unaddressed. Help us see that we may be compromising something of ourselves or failing to attend to an injustice or prior harm. Writing out angry feelings not only helps us feel better but improves the body’s immune system.

As we learn about the sources of our anger, we can begin to be more assertive about setting personal limits and maintaining healthy boundaries for ourselves that will guard us against anger-producing offenses. We can learn to reduce our irritations by more candidly informing others of our likes, dislikes, wants and needs.

We can begin to positively re-channel the vast energies that we have been using to suppress our anger – using that energy, instead, as a catalyst toward addressing and solving problems.

When we are willing, we can, instead of remaining angry, successfully redirect our thoughts and open our minds to other ways of looking things.

Taking long walks, listening to music, doing artwork, deep breathing or meditating are some of the methods for achieving calm and self-understanding.

Iin short, getting to the bottom of and dealing with our anger is not only eye-opening, it’s life-saving.

For the full article on The High Price of Anger, email jreynolds@jkr.net with ‘Anger” in the subject line.

07/06/2011

Emotional Eating.

Filed under: Emotional Eating — Tags: — Joyce K Reynolds @ 2:30 pm

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a problem unique to women. Or even predominately so.

Men also go on emotional eating benders.

When they have an unhappy breakup.

Are worried about business. Finances.

Or want to tamp down anger or another uncomfortable feeling or are simply feeling frustrated.

For a while, some indulgents are lucky.  They don’t show the pounds.  Maybe they can exercise off the binges. Or just have better metabolism.

Nonetheless, emotional eating seldom includes the healthiest of foods.  And most often leads to dullness, lack of energy or motivation.  And, eventually, depression.

For those who suffer weight gain as a side-effect, dieting is not the answer as the weight often returns with a  vengeance.

Rather we need to uncover the cause of our unhealthy, emotionally-based eating. Recognizing that instead of dealing with unpleasant, confusing issues, we eat ourselves into distraction or numbness.

Once this kind of awareness is reached, compassionate self-acceptance can follow.  Then and only then can we begin to take appropriate actions to overcome the problem.

Instead of eating, we become willing to ask ourselves, what is upsetting me?  What don’t I want to face?  So much so that I’d rather dull my senses with a slice of pizza, a hot-fudge sundae or whatever the choice indulgence might be.

No room here for pride, delay or denial.  We finally want to know what the problem really is. Once we’ve opened this line of inquiry we can begin to take control of the issue and make healthier, more informed choices. 

Sometimes emotional eating passes.  All too often it becomes a life problem that needs to addressed and resolved. 

So, if we’re regularly eating when we are not hungry – when we are simply upset or wanting to run from our feelings – we need – and deserve – to get help in resolving the underlying issues that move us in this self-destructive direction.

Once we become willing to eat only when we’re hungry – not when we’re upset or sad or in pain – we will quickly see that feelings don’t kill us.  They change, subside, lose importance.  In fact, they are necessary parts of us that inform and strengthen us. 

And, we don’t have to eat them away.

07/02/2011

The Well-Chosen Gift.

Filed under: Gift,Gifts,Perfect Gifts — Tags: , , — Joyce K Reynolds @ 11:54 am

Gift-giving is often a challenge.

Not for showers or weddings when gifts are selected from a registry of things for which the recipient has already stated a preference.

Rather for those individual gifts from one to another that require thought and caring.

When the value is not in the dollars spent but in the meaning and appropriateness of the chosen item.

That’s when gift-giving becomes an art.

One that my sister, Judy, has down to perfection.

She knows I love to sweep.  I find it soothing.  Calming. Cleansing.  And, I do it often to great satisfaction.

So one birthday, instead of choosing something small, glamorous, easily-shipped or something she’d like to receive – the oft error of many a gift-giver – here comes a BROOM. 

Not just any broom.  The most perfect, beautiful broom.  In colors I love.

Year after year, she manages to surprise and delight along these lines.

Her gift is not only the present itself but the listening she does prior to choosing.  The care she takes in the selecting.  The joy she delivers in gifting that which I will cherish.

That’s a gift well-chosen.

And, the one she receives in return is the love I send her every day as I reverently sweep.

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