My father used to love telling me to keep my chin up.  Let them keep hitting away, he’d say.

Like my being able to withstand that kind of invited torture was a virtue.

Oh, I knew what he meant. That the world is going to take shots at us.

That we have to be strong. Show we can take it.

But, surely, we don’t have to invite that kind of challenge.  Even innocently.

Keeping my chin held high in that manner probably conveyed some kind of unnecessary pride.

Or arrogance.

Or ego.

In looking back, it was most definitely not helpful.

If we’re talking about showing resilience and healthy self-respect

maybe it’s not so much about keeping our chin up as it is about keeping it

beautifully, confidently level.

A study I recently read stated that the average person’s anxiety is focused on:

40% — things that will never happen.

30% — things about the past that can’t be changed.

12% — things about criticism by others, mostly untrue.

10% — about health, which gets worse with stress.

8% — about real problems that will be faced.

Another study stated that less than 1% of the things we are anxiety-ridden about actually happen.

So, do the words ‘needless worry’ take on new meaning?

You bet they do.

Just think – 92% of our precious, irreplaceable time wasted. 

I, for one, REFUSE to do it anymore.

One of my friends mentioned that part of the homework he was helping his 7-year-old do involved looking at a picture of a glass of water.

First, the kid was asked to label it either half-full or half-empty.

Next was to address whether or not there was any clear difference between the two.

My first thought was – I would have loved to have that teacher or – at least – been asked that question as a 7-year-old.

The second was to actually try and make the differentiation.  No luck there.

Which takes us back to the lesson.

It’s entirely up to us how we view it – half-full or half-empty.

Pity for many of us that we don’t automatically see the advantage in choosing the former.

Fortunately, there’s always opportunity to change. 

I, for one, am working on it.

Some of us think we’re always supposed to go it alone. Be tough. Suck it up. 

Trust me.  I know.

What we overlook in that mode is if people like –  or better yet, love – us, they want to be a significant and important part of our lives.

They actually pay attention to what’s happening with us, note when we’re ‘off’ or might need support or help.  And, they jump at the chance to be there for us.

In turn, those of us who are super-independent promptly say, “No thank you.”

Caring colleagues, friends and family members may try this repeatedly. But the time will soon come when they give up. 

And, why not?

Who wants to keep caring about and offering help to someone who continually refuses to accept it.  Better to move onto others who welcome their involvement and appreciate their support.

That’s the dangerous, probably undesired downside of being one tough cookie.

Eventually, people just stop caring.

Sometimes it shows up as a feeling of being drained, hopeless and on the edge.

Maybe it’s a sense of failure or shame at no longer living life robustly.

More disturbing might be feelings of anger, callousness or deep cynicism about life.

Whatever the signs, burnout is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. And it’s not, typically, something that can be overcome alone.

Along with overwork, burnout often results from never having found genuine meaning or joy in one’s work.

Urgent to recovery is to admit the feelings. Refuse to ignore or deny them. Use that last ounce of reserve to seek qualified help or compassionate support that will assist in getting into a solution-oriented mode.

Along with understanding and emotional support, a qualified Coach, for example, can help a burnout victim put aside that terrible hopelessness or anxiety and create focus and – perhaps, for the very first time in their life – help a client identify a clear, life-giving sense of purpose.

As one colleague, Mark Gorkin,  so aptly put it:

“For the phoenix to rise from the ashes
One must know the pain
To transform the fire to burning desire.”

Ever wonder why the same disappointing or nasty things keep happening to you over and over again?

I know I do.

Sometimes it’s amazing that it takes me so long to understand that this has something to do with ME!

That some unconscious belief or unfortunate bit of mis-learning is continually creating circumstances that I don’t like or want. Over and over again.

So, what to do?

First, admit it. 

I create my own stuff.  I am, in fact, committed to this stuff whether or not I like it. And, I am the only one who can change this unhappy circumstance.

 I have to start by replacing those mostly unconscious loyalties to the way I do things or think things that produce unhappy sometimes really bad results with thoughts, practices and goals that support the purposeful, productive things I’d like to achieve.

So, if I want the life I say I want but don’t have – it’s that simple. It’s mine to fix. No excuses.

And if I don’t?  Well, as Ricky would certainly say, “I got some ‘splainin’ to do!”

Why should we care about nature? Yale Psychology professor, Paul Bloom, answers for The New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/19/magazine/19wwln-lede-t.html?_r=3

All but the most hardened appreciate the countless wonders of Spring.

The lifting of winter’s heavy veil. The drip of snow melting. The birthing of buds and baby birds.  The lightness of just a sweater wrap.  Musicians on the street corners and people sunning in the parks.

The result?

“It’s spring fever.  That is what the name of it is.  And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!”  ~ Mark Twain

Every now and them I find myself there. 

Feeling totally at peace.

No explanation.

None needed.

If only I could stay there longer.

Or visit more often.

Hm.

So, what keeps me from doing so?

Being me,  I suspect.  Curious.  Impatient.  Eager for action.  Prone to worry. 

There are so many things that disrupt my peace. Things I could manage if I so chose. 

Often it takes the hand of Nature on a gentle day, a visit to my lap from my new little cat, Jaxx, or a message from a loving family member or friend to return me to a sense of well-being and serenity.

Ah, how I love it.

Ah, how I resist it.

Oddly human, isn’t it?

Over 4,000 books on the happiness subject have been published in the past ten years. It seems to be the most sought-after yet elusive thing people crave.

So what’s the problem?

It could be our too-high expectations.  It could be our outward-rather-than-inward focus.  It could just be our definition or (mis)understanding of happiness. 

Frankly, I think the real problem is our lack of self-affection. 

So, instead of thinking that we must improve our material, physical or relationship circumstances, we might just want to focus on all the things about ourselves that are good and comforting and fun and promising.  That puts us square in the essence.  On the journey.  In the moment.  And, it makes happiness just one changed thought away.

Psychotherapist Susie Orbach contends that the globalized world is suffering from a warped sense of beauty.  

“I wish we could treat our bodies as a place where we live from, rather than a place to be worked on, as though it were a disagreeable old kitchen in need of renovation and update,” she went on to say. 

ME, TOO!!!

After all, where did we get the idea that our bodies were primarily made to be looked at instead of lived in?

In our current culture, it doesn’t matter if the body works well, feels good or is healthy.  It just has to LOOK beautiful.  Skinny, taut, flawless.

Ridiculous.

Feelings of fear and uncertainty are not uncommon among top executives anymore than in the working ranks.

In fact, this may be even more the case during the unprecedented and challenging economic times we are currently facing.  

To counter uncertainties and provide critical business support, a top Business Coach is easily the best asset an organization can provide for its leadership.   

A recent Harvard Business Review study on Business Coaching reported that Executive Coaching is an invaluable resource that provides a “unique and safe space for executives.”

In addition to the sound experience, strategic and solution-minded service a Coach provides, among the multiple benefits of Coaching, many executives say simply:  “It works!”