Mel Brooks once said, “If your enemy is laughing, how can he bludgeon you to death?” This is not an entirely new thought. It harkens back to the Crusades when a satirist would be carried on the shoulders of a soldier in the front line to hurl abuse at the enemy. Unfortunately, this did not always work and the hapless comic was often the first to be killed.

However, in the late 50’s, Dr. Norman Cousins proved that laughter has great powers to not only defeat fear but to heal. In fact, Cousins laughed himself back to good health from a devastating, typically fatal disease with the help of countless ‘I Love Lucy’ shows. Likewise, comedy, humor, laughter can help us address our fears even during the darkest of times.

Take, for example, the courage of comic Christine Basil who – on the heels of September 11 – went out on stage and slowly inched into her monologue, bravely, winding up here, “We’re all sitting there watching the television. That incredible live footage of the plane going through the building. But what they didn’t show is the CNN footage of a red-haired kid in Central Park with a remote control, looking up, saying – ‘Uh-oh, I didn’t think that would happen!’” That’s big, risky stuff. But, it gave her audience an opportunity to laugh, momentarily shake off fear and heal a bit.

So it is that, in those few moments when we can laugh at the worst of our fears, the darkness lifts and the enemy is ordered back.

Sometimes we just need a little ‘warm and fuzzy.’  Today, internet mascot Maukie provides it.

Ben Franklin said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Ouch!  But, right on.  Justifications.  Rationales.  Excuses.  Under any name, they keep us impotent and unaccountable. They hurt us. At least, they reinforce our limitations. At worst, they prepare us for failure.  In almost all instances, they keep us stuck. Occasionally, we all use them. So, let’s not be so unforgiving. But when we rely on them, have some so grooved in our brain that they’re automatic, we’re clearly in trouble.   Listening to our internal riffs is a big help in uncovering our pattern of excuse making. You know – it’s the job, the kids, the dog.  Whatever.  It’s all so blaming and unattractive. The truth is that most people would rather hear a flat out ‘NO’ than some lame, see-through excuse.  Add in all the properly touted empowerment that comes with being definitive and setting boundaries and we can easily see why each move away from excuses is a move towards greater self-respect.

Author of The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Person’s Path Through Depression, Eric Maisel, posits that creative people suffer from existential depression because they are separated from the meaning of life and work. Notably, Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy while awash in a successful life and enjoying good health, wealth and literary fame asked, “Why should I live? Why should I wish for anything? Is this all there is?” (Peggy Lee came much later.) And Vincent Van Gogh certainly fit the description of a tortured artist suffering from existential depression. (He is said, however, to have cut off his ear during an excruciating bout of tinnitus rather than as a result of depression.)  Then there’s the legendary Charlie Brown who keeps doing the same thing over and over again.  And getting the same depressing result.  (You know, the football story).  Poor Charlie Brown who laments that lunchtime is the worst part of his day except for mornings  – “waking up wondering if anybody would really miss me if I didn’t get out of bed” – followed by after-school and evenings. Funny in a sad kind of way and makes you wonder – is Charlie stuck?  Or is he depressed? And, how much like him am I?  Many of us find ourselves for seemingly no reason undergoing a quest for something more.  Something that can be described as our ‘purpose.’ When we are unable to find this sort of meaning, we, too are subject to bouts of the blues.  Or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. General Malaise. Or, existential depression.  Whatever we finally label these painful times, we must find a way to journey out of whatever miserable territory we’ve walked ourselves into. The big question is “HOW?”  It would appear that the remedy lies in asking and answering the question – “why am I here?” If we are willing to accept our own intrinsic value and acknowledge that we serve many a good purpose (not necessarily a big, famous one!) and that we are an important – if tiny – part of this world, we can live more positively and treat ourselves more kindly, more respectfully, more lovingly. These results alone help to beat back the sorrows of the days or weeks that might drag us into depression.  They also serve to lead us into a more belonging state of mind where service to others and compassion for the human condition can emerge and reframe our feelings of uselessness and isolation.  We can then move forward into a more peaceful, self-supportive, productive frame of mind.    

An economic downturn can force the unprepared company into a reactive mode driving it away from its purpose. Definitive steps that can help to avoid this undesirable outcome include remaining calm and focused. 

Insisting on optimism inside the organization.  Realizing that while economic slowdowns are uncomfortable, they are not unmanageable.  Businesses need to be prudent, step back and evaluate the effects of current downward trends on their plans. Those that stay strategically focused on the purpose that brought them success will not only survive – they will thrive. 

As always, attitude plays a major rolein the outcome for the individual company. If an economic downturn is viewed as an opportunity for management to refocus on what’s really important – the heart and soul of the business – chances are good that the company will strengthen itself. Staying in touch with the big picture, avoiding fear-based decisions that shrink a company’s  strengths instead of capitalizing on them will also keep business on track.   

During challenging times, the focused company that identifies and invests in its strengths emerges much more successfully than a company that implements arbitrary, across-the-board cuts. A powerful company purpose, communicated effectively, unifies and motivates employees, making them feel valued and helps instill faith in the organization which is a vital ingredient in maintaining stability during rough times.

Expert Business Coach and PhD Psychologist track down self-defeating habits and behaviors. Ft. Lauderdale,  FL –  In a revealing new program – Four BIG Steps to Stop Self-Sabotage – Expert Business Coach, Joyce K. Reynolds, has teamed up with Dr. Janie Kondell, PsyD to bring awareness and focus to this little discussed barrier to professional and personal success. The need for such a program is evident in the common reaction to the question ‘Are you CHOOSING failure?’:  That’s a stupid question. Who in their right mind chooses failure?  In fact, the answer is that millions of people – unknowingly – DO choose failure in the form of self-defeating behaviors. There is no logic or reason behind these behaviors.  In fact, most people would argue that they are not self-defeating. But, they repeat behaviors over and over again even when they know they’re not working. They put distractions in front of pressing matters, operate from a negative perspective or simply don’t take care of themselves.  They just don’t recognize such behaviors as seriously self-defeating. In many cases, there is no lack of desire that holds people back, no shortage of talent or skills.  There’s no rational explanation for why – in the face of possible success or enjoyment – they throw the proverbial monkey-wrench into the works which leads directly to failure or disappointment.     “This may be the most frustrating of conditions when intelligent, interesting and attractive people can’t succeed because of bad internal messages, limiting beliefs or general unawareness of how much they have to do with their unsatisfying situations,” states Reynolds. “The most powerful negatives in our lives are the unconscious, deliberate, subversive things we do to abort our own success. They are not obvious or big but often the routine things we say to ourselves or the bad patterns we don’t spot or those we just ignore. These are the things that continue to lead us not just away from success but often directly to defeat.”     Dr. Kondell says, “We see people all the time under terrible mental and emotional stress who have no awareness of how their own behaviors and habits are bringing on their biggest problems. Clients say ‘I want this to change’ when they really need to be saying ‘I want to change this.”  Getting into a mode of awareness and accountability is a big first step. Just recognizing that we are often internally conflicted – at war with ourselves – can help open the door to improvement.  Reynolds and Kondell are opening that door.    Step One of this program provides a free online assessment that will help identify whether or not the taker has a problem with self-defeating behaviors.  Steps Two through Four are paid parts of the program that allow participants to identify the behaviors, get a wider, outside view of their challenges and develop solutions that will lead them away from self-defeating behaviors to more successful outcomes.    GO TO www.stopselfsabotagenow.com and take the free assessment NOW.

It has been said that “a brave man is not one who is never afraid. Such a person is only a fool. A brave man is one who though being afraid goes ahead and does what is practical.”

As we look for those who model such brave behavior, it is important to remember that we cannot judge a person by outward appearance or by apparent assets. It is even more comforting to note that many of the most successful people in the world have also been challenged by great fears.

The example they provide is that they move towards full expression and actualization of their talents by facing and overcoming their fears. One author put it this way, “Writing is easy. You just sit down and open a vein.” Gifted artist Georgia O’Keefe provided another example, “I’ve been terrified every day of my life but that’s never stopped me from doing everything I wanted to do.”

Great people are not the only ones who can choose to be bigger than their fears. We all have that potential. We can begin by identifying and utilizing the healthy components of fear such as genuine excitement.

Putting positive focus on feelings of trepidation can fuel our efforts to tackle new and unfamiliar things that attract but scare us. We can recognize fear as a challenge, that once met, provided an opportunity to expand our comfort zone. When we use fear to our advantage in this way, it can become an ally.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, ‘Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.’ In fact, the very next step might be to await the outcome of the first. The ability to do so signifies a growing up as it requires discipline and maturity. Allowing the process to unfold invites greater self-confidence and clarity – making it altogether worth the wait. Each moment we allow ourselves to slow down – especially when we have to resist the urge to do otherwise – adds to our self-esteem and our quality of life. The rewards in terms of feeling in sync with the world, in accord with the rhythms of life are unequalled. When employed as a strategy, a regular and deliberate practice in our daily lives, waiting can provide relief from stress – allowing us to feel more refreshed and centered, ready to face whatever difficulties a day might bring.

Just when you think life is just great, things start going wrong. You just knew it was too good to be true. It ALWAYS happens. That’s right – especially when that’s what you’re not only setting up but EXPECTING.  It’s self-sabotage and it’s insidious and deadly to dreams and quality of life.  So why can’t we stop it?  First – we don’t even know it’s going on. We’re always on the ready to blame things outside ourselves. We don’t stop to see the patterns we continue to create or the repeat behaviors that ensure our constant setbacks and disappointments.  Want to change that?  Start a list of all the things that keep happening that you don’t want to have happen.

Money. 

Money. 

Money…

Once again, the big question circulating in corporate offices and around many dining room tables is – how much is enough? While this question is not new, the focus of it changes, in part, with the economy. In good times, the question may arise out of a feeling of unease that we are in danger of being overpowered by our materialistic urges. In uncertain times, our concerns center around fear of being unable to sustain a lifestyle created during periods of greater prosperity.

While some of us simply relish the chase, many others feel over-burdened by the incessant drive for economic security. Yet, even inevitable quality-of-life sacrifices do not seem to change the baseline responses to the initial question. We continue to be tormented by the belief that there is never enough. That we are entitled to abundance and must have it ‘all.’ That we simply want more. When we’re finally ready to tackle the issue of enough, asking and honestly answering questions such as the following will be beneficial: Is my effort to achieve and earn more a personal quest or a response to how I am viewed by others? If money were not an issue, what would I be doing? How much money do I believe I need in order to keep finances from affecting my decisions about my life, career, the number of hours I work? What do I have to do to earn this level of income and is it worth it? What other priorities might I have to sacrifice to maintain or keep improving my income? Does this mean I care more about making money than about my personal time and life? If so, is that okay with me? Here’s a little more on the subject:

1. The Wanting-More Syndrome.

More money. More success. More satisfaction. More material comforts. More time. That’s what most of us think we want and without any trade-offs. Plenty of us also think that it’s smart to work really hard now in order to ‘get somewhere’ in the future. So, we run full out and often sacrifice present resources in order to pursue some imagined future gains. Many of us also believe that having more money would result in greater happiness. In fact, we believe this even though we see evidence that many of the wealthiest people in the world are far from the happiest. Fortunately, somewhere in the collision of hope and hopelessness that our wanting more creates, we have moments of clarity in which we know that something has to give. That more of one thing eventually leads to less of something else. That asking too much of ourselves in the chase for enough may likely result in painful choices, unpleasant compromises and unnecessary hardships. When we allow ourselves to consciously focus on what wanting more really costs, we may become less inclined to sacrifice at too-high levels.

2. In Pursuit.

In Civilization and Its Discontents Sigmund Freud wrote, “It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly use false standards of measurement. That they seek power, success and wealth for themselves and admire them in others, and that they underestimate what is of true value in life.” Certainly as a society, we have come to believe that our income determines our level of success. That wealth is having more than we need. That we must endlessly pursue the material in order to demonstrate our well-off status. But, are these the standards by which we really want to live? Maybe, just maybe, we need to consider the alternative offered by Charles Kingsley, “We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” In a culture that has little interest in humility and great fascination with wealth this might seem beyond simplification to an outright absurdity. But, when we are willing to get clear on our true and underlying values, this concept takes on richer meaning. We get to focus on being what we value and doing what we love instead of relentlessly – sometimes blindly – accomplishing and accumulating. We also have a better chance of enjoying what we have rather than dedicating our lives to getting more of what we intrinsically don’t value.  

3. Money or Time.

In this fully-packed, fast-paced world, many of us strive to increase our earnings so that we can take advantage of every opportunity and pleasure the world has to offer. But, if the effort to produce consumes the majority of our time, we’ll have little left in which to enjoy ourselves. We may also find ourselves facing some unpleasant trade-offs. So, let’s ask ourselves what’s really more important. Do I want more money or more time? More power or more time? More challenge or more time? How much time do I want to devote to family or friends? How much public acclaim will satisfy my ego? How much time do I want for personal reflection that might lead to greater self-understanding? How much stuff is really enough for me? In fact, when we make financial gain our main focus, no matter how much we earn, there’s a good chance that our quest will leave us feeling frustrated and empty. Perhaps even more important is the fact that – as we focus on earning enough to have all we think we want or think we need – we find ourselves in the unenviable position of not having time to enjoy what we’re working so hard to attain. We’re better off to remember while there are 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week, 52 weeks in a year, the number of years in each of our lifetimes is uncertain. In fact, many of the things we deeply want require time not money. Money can not buy the love of our children, the strength of real friendships or the peace of a day spent in the beauty of our environment. Rather, these are the things that require our time. The choice is ours.

4. The Way We Are.

In questioning our standard of enough, it’s helpful to ask if we are living the kind of lifestyle that we really want or the one that society pressures us to pursue. Have we swallowed as whole cloth the popular message – if you want it, you can have it? It certainly appears that affluence is regarded today as an American birthright with few people acknowledging that this is myth that is fed by consumerism. Even more damaging is the fact that most people agree that money makes us what we are – either prosperous or not. Those same people are unwilling to acknowledge the darker side of wealth where it becomes easy to hide our real and human sides behind our prosperity, our money. That it can be applied to overshadow or override what we consider to be our flaws. That it’s easier to use money, over-generosity or gift-giving to control people and make ourselves look better. As writer Irv Thomas said, “The most wonderful thing about money is also the most troublesome thing about it. It tells you who you really are.”

5. The Balance Thing.

It’s been suggested that talk of balance is today’s way of saying life is full. In evidence of our great distance from the real meaning of the word consider the response of a group recently surveyed on the topic. When offered an array of possible strategies for pursuing balance, the majority rejected any that required them to compromise their careers, change the type of work they did, move them toward part-time or freelance work or require them to give up the idea of being a superstar at work. These were all viewed as nonstarters even in the name of balance. “As a nation of strivers, most of us are prepared to embrace this precarious blend of wanting and having, of getting and spending, and to call it ‘balance.’ We believe that at some point, having ‘more’ of something — more money, more self-knowledge – will change the game in a way that yields a new style of work, a new way of life and a new sense of personal freedom. Then, at last, we will have it all.” One more urban myth. Balance is achieved by those who are able to prioritize and manage the demands of both their work and private lives in a responsible and realistic manner around the things they have identified as most valuable to them.

6. Show Me the Money?

When they were asked to indicate factors that would help them achieve their goals in life, 86% of a group surveyed identified making more money as critical. Yet, most people would do things differently if they didn’t feel money-related pressures. In fact, most of us can admit that money is capable of changing a lot – including our consciousness. As important as money is, we would be wise to determine exactly what role it plays in our lives. We need to know how much money will stop us from worrying. How much we require to feel well-compensated at work. To what lengths we’ll go to achieve greater wealth. It’s up to each of us to decide as did former Microsoft executive, John Wood who said “I stopped working for Microsoft in 1998. I left millions on the table by walking away from the job. Most people can’t do that. I left a lot more on the table than I took away. Most of my friends before and after are slacker-artist types who don’t have any money. I’m still comparatively rich and you don’t need that much. I don’t need a villa.”

7. The High Price of Enough.

Over 100 years ago, Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Sometimes money costs too much.” Indeed, as our income goes up, so do our expenses. In fact, it simply costs more to have more prompting one writer to observe, “A working man can get a good night’s sleep. But the rich man has so much that he stays awake worrying.” We live with anything from a perpetual feeling of never being satisfied to a relentless, gnawing hunger for more. In either state of mind, it’s easy to forget what’s truly important. If we live and work as if we always need more, we can quite simply never get enough. As Chris Copper of Quote.com put it, “I set a target of what enough money is. Let’s say that target is a million. You get closer and closer to a million dollars, and you start shifting the target. All of a sudden it’s $5 million, then you start thinking $20 million wouldn’t be so bad. It’s very easy to be at a point where it’s never enough.” The perfect platform for chronic discontent.

8. Your Money or Your Life?

It’s safe to say – if someone thrust a gun in our ribs and asked that question – most of us would quickly turn over our wallets. Such a blatant threat makes apparent the value of our lives versus our money. But, when it comes to less menacing choices, things get a little more confusing, our thinking a little murkier. For instance, we seldom view the compromise of family and personal time in favor of business in such dire terms. This point was clearly demonstrated by a group of 1,096 college-educated, employee adults that was given an in-your-face choice via a Fast Company-Roper Starch Worldwide online survey to test the priority of money. Each respondent was asked – which would you rather have – a $10,000-a-year raise or an extra hour per day to spend at home with your family? No less than 83% of respondents opted for the cash even though 91% of respondents had indicated earlier that making their personal lives more of a priority was important to them. It would appear that money, indeed, carries the highest of priorities. That we easily obsess about raises, bonuses or promotions and create a lifestyle based, primarily, on what money can buy. That we often view money as the most powerful factor in our success, our life satisfaction and in our ability to determine the structure and substance of our lives. All told, it appears that when it comes to ‘your money or your life’ – most of us have not quite decided. No so with Senator Paul Tsongas who said – after deciding not to run for re-election after being diagnosed with cancer, “No man ever said on his deathbed – I wish I had spent more time at the office.”

9. Success vs. Excess.

Another fascinating aspect of enough is what we can describe as the rewards of success versus the beginnings of excess. Many people are of the opinion that too much is not good. That there’s some reason to question the prevalent belief that it is only having more money that paves the way to improved quality of life and better work/life balance. In fact, there are plenty of people who are not entirely comfortable with their own acquisitiveness and accelerated drive to make more money. Yet, we live in a society of contradictions which was clearly visible in the results of that Fast Company-Roper Starch Worldwide survey. They tested the limits of “enoughness” by offering the following scenario: Pat is offered a job opportunity at a hot startup. There’s a clear trade-off: long hours in exchange for the chance to cash in big when the company goes public. When the choice was framed simply as one involving two alternative paths, 59% of respondents said that Pat should take the high-risk, high-reward road. But when they gave Pat a working spouse and kids and posed the question again, 43% of respondents said that taking the new job would amount to “losing sight of what’s important.” In other words, studies show that it’s easier to establish the line between success and excess when other people’s lives are under scrutiny. Given the courage, it might be quite illuminating to take a look at our own lives as if they belonged to our neighbors. Quite possibly we’d get a more honest view of our own distinctions between success and excess.

10. Back To the Beginning.

So, here we are still wondering how much is enough. The answer might appear to be that there really is no such thing. That, typically speaking, the more people have, the more they want. As Harvard professor, Dr. Shoshana Zuboff observed, “Enoughness is a moving target. The rich are no more able to achieve it than those who are less well-off.” No matter what category we fit, the fact is that our true lives are not made up of the things we own. That acquisition for its own sake does not serve us well. And, that more of something that fails to feed our inner yearnings is useless to pursue. Instead, having enough means we do work that we love not because we need the money. That we are not drained by our daily lives because they are over full with less than meaningful things. That we have protected the personal part of our lives so that we enter it with energy and interest. That we have money put away to see us through a reasonable number of months of normal expenses. That our lives do not hinge on any one job. That we know who and what we love and make plenty of time for both. That we spend generous time with our families and friends. And, that we are truly satisfied with the contributions we make to the bigger world. In getting to our ‘enough – we can invite ourselves to determine what will have been of value at the end of our days. And, in the present, to clearly understand that ‘enough’ is largely a state of mind. As film producer Mike Todd put it, “I’ve been broke, but I’ve never been poor.”

Those who want the best of their professional and personal lives are the ones most likely to seek out the services of a Business Coach. Often these are highly successful people who simply need help in meeting the heady challenges of organizing and managing their own complex lives – on and off the job. These are people who appreciate the support, guidance, innovation and perspective a good Business Coach can supply.   

The Coach and the client form a unique partnership focused on the fulfillment of the client’s objectives, the Coach becoming the trusted guide and advocate for success. The result is creative, innovative solutions to problems forthrightly revealed. Better decisions are made. Further leadership skills are identified and cultivated.  Powerful professional insights more readily occur. Individuals and organizations flourish. Responding to top organizational needs for intelligent, objective, supportive interaction and options, the exceptional Business Coach will assist in establishing the most ideal, energized, productive and ethical workplaces while harmonizing and balancing the business and personal lives of those involved.  

Are you getting the ultimate professional results you want?Is your management style working successfully for you and your organization?Has your business become your life?  Are you doing what REALLY matters to you? Are you very successful but feel that ‘something’ is missing in your life? Is there a sense of struggle, incompleteness, dissatisfaction in your life? Have you given up your dreams in order to make a living? Are you spending more time working than living life? Do you question what you are doing professionally even if you are successful? Are you ready to make major changes? Are your relationships as cooperative, co-creative and satisfying as you would like?Are you sacrificing your present for your future? Are you working harder and enjoying it less? Do you have important projects that are having difficulty completing? Would you appreciate having a reserve of time for yourself? Would you like to have a more manageable, well-balanced life?If you answered ‘yes’ to ANY of these questions, you would benefit from workingwith a Business Coach.